My dear primogeniture and most cherished blessing of conjugal ties.
Methinks it meet to salute thee for thy sagacious and admirably articulated oratory, which prudence compels me to concede that such commendable, such colloquial utterances, I estimate, have never before been vocalized in the delivery of a cell phone greeting. Nay, in no wise has any such linguistic declaration ever charmed my senses more, or caused me to muse so intently upon the laudable qualities of one so dear to my soul. Bravo, and fitly spoken my son!
I trust that my affections to engage in eloquent discourse with thee are reciprocated with fondness, and sincerity. Therefore, I beseech thee my beloved son, upon thine earliest convenience, and without undue stress or difficulty to thyself of course, to call upon thine aged, yet noble sire, that I may divulge the purpose of my summons, and expound to thee that which weighs upon my thoughts and earnestly inclines me to seek thy humble and cultivated sentiments. Until circumstances are amenable and time shall precipitate our cherished conversation that we may speak our minds freely to one another, I remain, thy affection father, Alexander Stevens Goldman, the third possessor of that name.
Godspeed my son.